greetings from coachella

vintage collared shirt, gifted Siwy denim cutoffs,vintage lace-up booties, Fjallraven backpack, Ray Ban Wayfarers

My favorite outfit from the weekend on day two of Coachella! Please excuse the crappy iPhone pictures, I didn't feel like lugging around my SLR and wanted to enjoy myself as much as I could without worrying about pictures and whatnot. I'm currently sitting in my room in SF with the heater on full blast since I still can't get used to the cold. I really miss the desert. When I got off the car Monday night to go into my apartment wearing only shorts and a cropped top I was greeted by the freezing rain (and this little cutie, of course). Man, it felt good to go on vacation. We stayed in a condo in Palm Springs with some friends from SF that I didn't know very well in the beginning but ended up really getting along with by the end of the trip.

crochet one piece from UO, vintage floral maxi skirt from Painted Bird, vintage Capezio bucket bag, American Apparel floppy hat, Rachel Comey boots

Friday was cooler than the rest of the weekend so I was a little more adventurous with my outfit and wore this maxi skirt that I'd picked up at Painted Bird the day before I left. It's hard to tell in the picture but the top part ties in the back and is connected to the bottom by a crochet pattern in the front so it's more risque than what I usually wear. Oh well, I tried right? I forgot my hat in the car when we got to the festival but I was better off without it later on when I was dancing to sets by Cut Copy and Boys Noize.

Every morning I'd wake up to this suit of armor in the corner of the room in my cozy little futon. The decor was so weird. There were also two dog statues in the living room and a pair of mannequin legs outside that were upside down in the corner of the back patio next to some cacti (our condo mates scared the crap out of us with this little arrangement on the last night). So many weird (but funny) things happened this weekend that I can't even begin to list all of them.

This was actually my first time going to Coachella so I didn't know what to expect so it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Reception was the worst problem and it was difficult to get a hold of people most of the time so I had a couple bad scares after being separated from friends but everything worked out in the end.

Friday was pretty chill, I saw Interpol but wasn't very into it since 1. I've already seen them multiple times, and 2. I didn't really like their new album. Next I met up with my roommates to dance to Cut Copy which was way more fun then sat down to listen to Crystal Castles which was okay but their live shows aren't very exciting. I like that you had the option of sitting things out if you weren't very into it or tired, the music still sounded great no matter where you were. I also got to see a band from my childhood, Caifanes, who were reuniting for the first time in more than a decade and a half. It was great to see a bunch of people who flew in from Mexico and all over the world just to see them and I talked to a few in the crowd while I enjoyed songs that I used to sing in the car with my mom as a kid when they came on the radio. For the last set of the day, I had originally planned to watch Chemical Brothers with my roommates but had to meet with my condo mates at Boys Noize because my phone was dying and they were my ride home. I ended up dancing my ass off there to a KILLER set and light show which blew my mind and made my night.

So let's see. Day two? I wore a white top and these Siwy shorts that my friends and I were randomly given outside the Ace Hotel on Friday (see first picture). I swear, after I put those shorts on I refused to wear anything else, they were so perfect for the weather in Indio. Sucks that I can't really wear them here in SF save a few random days in the year where it reaches 80-90 degrees. Also, I somehow managed to forget to eat (it happens to me sometimes) on Friday so I made up for it on Saturday with Chinese food and an ice cream sandwich from the COOL HAUS truck in the VIP section while hanging out with the people from the H&M tent and listening to Gogol Bordello.

I dubbed Saturday my "high school playlist day" so most of the bands that I saw were ones that I listened to heavily at the time like Broken Social Scene, New Pornographers, Bright Eyes, Animal Collective, and Arcade Fire. Prior to this I had met up with my best friend from home, Karen, but we were separated and I ended up spending most of Saturday between 6pm-2am by myself. It was actually kind of nice to be alone while listening to bands that shaped into the person that I was back in high school and although I'd seen most of them live already it was still a new experience. Bright Eyes was the biggest surprise since my last two experiences seeing them hadn't been too fun but Conor put on an amazing show and it was awesome to sing to songs like "Lover I Don't Have To Love" and "Calendar Hung Itself" one last time while still knowing the lyrics by heart after not having heard the songs in years. During Bright Eyes' set I ended up fairly close to the right side of the stage but as soon as it ended people started pushing forward and I found myself stuck in the middle of this crowd unable to get out since Arcade Fire fans were pushing to get as close as possible to the stage. See that last picture of Mumford and Sons before my phone died? I ended up a few feet closer than I was when I took that picture so I was in the front row by the time Arcade Fire came on. Animal Collective came before them, however, and they were fantastic as usual but I felt a little silly dancing to every song while everyone around me wasn't really into it and seemed to only be there for Arcade Fire. I even heard someone ask "Who's Animal Collective?" and this one group of teenage girls made faces when the music started and started taking pictures of themselves because they were bored. Seriously? Hard to believe that at one point Animal Collective was bigger than Arcade Fire but that just shows how far they've come, I guess.

Anyway, being front row by myself for Arcade Fire was a surreal experience I'll never forget. I already saw them a few years ago but this time around it was so much more different. The Suburbs came out in the middle of a fairly difficult year for me and I would listen to the album multiple times a day all the way through during long walks or commutes while reflecting on recent events and my feelings at the time. Arcade Fire put on one of THE best performances I've ever experienced and I can't even begin to describe how it felt to dance and sing along to the lyrics without ever missing a word or beat and getting to see them perform right in front of me every single song that I wanted to hear. I'd always listened to them all throughout high school when Funeral came out and a bit in college after Neon Bible but I'd never considered them my favorite band until it kind of just hit me in the middle of the show and I felt so incredibly lucky to be there witnessing that performance. When I looked up into the sky during "Wake Up" and saw those glowing inflated balls come down at me I actually teared up a little and it's an incredible image that I'll never forget even though my phone had died and I didn't have a camera to capture it... okay, maybe the moment didn't last very long since I spent the rest of the song deflecting hundreds of balls with my arms and trying not to get hit in the head but hey, it's still something.

T By Alexander Wang striped top, Siwy denim cutoffs, vintage lace-up booties, Fjallraven backpack, Ray Ban Wayfarers

Okay, okay. I digress. Seems like most people have been concerned more with the festivities than with the music itself which I went in thinking too but ended up touched my experiences, as cheesy as that sounds. Sunday, however, was mostly spent poolside at the Ace Hotel since I was way too exhausted from the night before to be there all day again so we didn't show up until later. I made the unwise choice to forget my bathing suit (after having in on me all day the day before, too) so I could only dip my legs in the water as I jealously watched everyone else swim in the water.

Ah well, I still had fun. I ended up really liking the Ace Hotel, maybe I'll take a trip back down there sometime to actually stay there although it wouldn't be as active and bustling as it was this past weekend. I always forget how fun it is to hang out by a pool now that I've been living in the Bay Area for so long. Is this enough of a reason for me to move back to LA? Doubt it, but it's a nice luxury to have when you're on vacation at least. As I write this I am curling up further under my two layers of blankets and covers and sighing repeatedly, I never though I'd miss the warm weather this much...

Don't know what I'm doing in that last picture but everyone looks cute so whatever, I'll still post it! I never realized how great cutoffs and boots go together until this weekend and I'm glad I went with boots rather than sandals, they really saved my life at the festival. At one point in the crowd this guy passed out and his head landed right on my toe... so scary. I was really good about staying hydrated so I didn't have any problems while I was there thankfully. Anyway, after the pool party we finally piled back into the car and tried to make it in time for Duran Duran whose performance was a HUGE disappointment for me mostly because I really wanted to hear Come Undone but they didn't end up playing it and chose to focus more on newer, crappier songs. Bummer. Afterward we wandered over to the other stage to dance to Chromeo instead of seeing The Strokes (I was never really into them, don't know why) was even joined by my friend from home again for a bit. Twenty years together and counting, right?

And finally, Kanye. What else is there to say? It felt like I was witnessing a once-in-a-lifetime performance and like at Arcade Fire I felt very lucky to be there in real life. I had a lot more to say about him but I'll just keep it to myself since I already went on that long tangent about Arcade Fire. Some things are better left unsaid.

And that concludes one of the best weekends of my life, thanks to everyone who actually took the time to read all of it.

feeling helpless

My thoughts are with Japan and everyone who was affected by the earthquake and tsunamis. Please do everything that you can to help by contributing to relief funds and efforts. [Red Cross]

the happy couple

on me: apc dress, h&m cardigan, vintage booties, fjallraven backpack
on him: apc shirt, april 77 jeans, ymc oxfords

I wish I could follow these photos with a detailed and flowery description about how wonderful and picture perfect our day was but actually, I don't wish that at all, I like the lulz that accompany this story. We took BART downtown to the only Del Taco in the city where we were harassed by multiple crazy people (God bless their souls, really, but we were way too cranky to deal with that). My go-to order? Two Del Classic Chicken burritos, they're 2 for $5!! Then we walked to the mall so Mike (BF's roommate) could pick up some war memoir at the bookstore and I made my routine venture into J.Crew to oogle everything there/try to convince Brent to buy more collared shirts.

We left empty handed and stopped by Coffee Bean where I tried to assuage my post-J.Crew window shopping pain with a Jasmine green tea latte. I guess I pouted so much (total understatement) that BF said he'd buy me that Saint James shirt that I wanted. I said he didn't have to (I mean, that's the coy thing to do right?) so we ended up going back down to BART to get home in time for the special episode of Jersey Shore until I stopped at the ticker and yelled "OKAY I WANT IT!" So up we go, up three flights of escalators until we end up at J.Crew (again) and I quickly snatch the shirt and give it to BF. It must have been karma or something but right when BF got in line to pay, my insides started to act up and next think I knew I was running to a bathroom and... well, I'll let you guess what happens there. Ten minutes later, I was still feeling sick and nauseated but Jersey Shore was about to start so we ditched BART and took a cab to get home in time.

Don't know what inspired me to write about all of that but this Jezebel article has been in the back of my mind for quite a while now. Somehow I got lumped into this "Marthette"category about bloggers with seemingly perfect lives which made me question my own approach to blogging... I mean, am I really that misleading? I try to be honest in what I write but damn it, I just really like looking at and taking pretty pictures and am insufferably picky about what I post. I just want to find and capture those fleeting moments that make me so happy, whether it's an outfit that brightened up my day enough to want to share it or a meal that I feel people may like to hear about. I love hearing about people who travel to San Francisco and try restaurants that I recommend or readers who tell me that my simple little outfits helped them find out something about their own personal style. And hey, pictures can be pretty and all but there's always so much more to people's lives than what you see on the internet and it's up to you guys to discern between the things you see and don't see.**

But I really, really do love my life even if I tend to complain about it. I love my boyfriend, I love my friends, and damn it, I really did have a ton of fun yesterday so every smile you see is genuine (especially this picture inside Del after finishing my burrito). I don't like embellishing my life or pretending that it's picture perfect since I'm perfectly content with the way it is and where it is going.

*for the record, I'm surprised these pictures turned out well since we were caught in a gust of wind as Mike took them and were both freezing so much that we huddled up and clutched my latte cup.

**also, I am not trashing the article at all, I can see where the writer is coming from. What you see online can be misleading but my point is that viewers should know that a blog cannot encapsulate every single detail in a person's life and it varies from blogger to blogger how selective they choose to be with what they post. I'm a very private person, I share what I want to share with people I don't know and keep the rest to myself or friends. If everything seems too perfect and impossible, I'm sorry, but there are things that happen to me behind the scenes that I really don't need to share on the internet (although I'm pretty sure that if you actually read my blog you'll find those random bits where I talk about having a bad week or complain about some stupid situation). I'll still make more of an effort to seem more real, okay? Even if that means more of my uncensored dry humor or current obsession with "Africa" by Toto...

la furia roja

This is my younger brother. He is still living at home with our parents so I only see him when I go home. We are currently celebrating Spain's agonizing win over Paraguay by texting and calling each other ecstatically in tears. Certain idiots like to poke at my intense love for the World Cup but I don't care. We were raised in a family that lives and breathes fútbol: our mom played when she was in high school and our dad misses the games because he works hard during the day to support us but watches the day's games as soon as he comes home. I love the sport and the World Cup only comes once every four years and I plan to enjoy the next four games to the fullest until it's over.

still not a great blogger...

lanston top (thanks Carly at Marked PR!), citizens of humanity jeans, thrifted lace up booties (not pictured)

Too lazy to put on shoes, but hey! I'm blogging. At this point I should be called the Queen of Comfort since most of the week I'm stuck in this long sleeved top + skinny jeans + lace up boots uniform with very little variations. This may have been the only day in the past week that I haven't woken up at 7am to watch the World Cup. The earliest games for those of us on the West Coast are actually at 4:30am, but I end up catching those on my computer while I watch another game. I also end up missing some of the later 11:30am games due to work but again, I somehow always manage to catch the ESPN3 replays. My three favorite teams are Spain, Mexico, and the USA: while I was raised watching and rooting for Mexico, since I'm American, I'm inclined to support USA, even if they did upset my team Spain in the Confederations Cup last year. La Furia Roja has been my favorite team to watch these past few years (love you #14 Alonso!) and although they were unlucky and lost their first game against Switzerland, it's about time they finally won a World Cup.

I've been getting complaints about how obsessed I am on Twitter which don't really phase me of course, but I can't help but think that some people really aren't giving the World Cup a chance, especially here in the US. I was raised in a family that only played and watched football so it's natural for me to be this into it but I've talked to a couple people who never really understood it until they tuned in and began to comprehend how wonderful The Beautiful Game is on this global scale. Where else will you see people from all over the world so obsessively united behind one sport? Maybe the Olympics, but there are so many different events to watch that it's difficult to be into every single one of them. When you do find a team to root for, you end up so caught up in the game that you'll find yourself screaming at the TV after every play, call, and goal. If you're American and you still haven't seen any of USA's games, please watch their next one against Algeria. If they win, they have a chance to advance to the next round!

Sorry guys, I'll try my best to post. My current schedule consists of World Cup games, work, sleep, and spending some time with friends or BF. I've been receiving a couple exciting emails and packages in the mail and have been trying to figure out how to share it with everyone (hint hint: another giveaway maybe?)

finding a balance

I know many people are not very open about weight on personal fashion blogs but it's a topic that is relevant to my life at the moment and I'm sure many of you can relate as well. I get quite a few comments and emails asking how I am able to eat so much and still stay skinny; I've been to the gym a grand total of two times in my life and always hated the word "diet". Maybe I was flattering myself by claiming that I don't do anything, but in truth, there's a lot that many of you don't see. I do wear loose dresses and tops and may pose for photos in a way that hides what's really there but I'm starting to feel the effects of leading an unhealthy lifestyle inside my body.

I'm currently sitting in front of my computer eating a salad. A salad? This is coming from someone whose dad once bet her $50 that she couldn't finish a salad and made her way through one just for the money. Nevertheless, even in high school it was easy to be naturally healthy (without a need for the word "diet") when I was living at home four years ago with a mom who would cook five days a week. However, when I moved away for college, I gained a good 20 pounds over the course of six months while living in the dorms and never eating homecooked meals. My mom would also only let us drink soda on weekends but when I left, I fell into the trap of having sugary drinks all the time with my meals and reached a point where I'd have one or two cans of (regular, not diet) Coke everyday. And don't even get me started on my addictive obsession with fast food...

BF and I had a really intense conversation about how we need to change our terrible habits and have been making an effort to eat better and eat out less. I mean really, was it necessary to get brunch at Boogaloo's twice last week after going to Schmidt's right before? Of course, we're still going to treat ourselves to nice meals out once or twice a week but for now we're going to try exercising and eating at home for most of the week. We're not doing this just to lose weight, we're doing it to feel better and live healthier lifestyles. Fear not, food porn will not suffer. BF and I are already planning trips to more places that we want to try but we're spacing them out more. For now, I'm anticipating our reservation at Boulevard for BF's 25th birthday in a week and a tentative trip to Chapeau to celebrate with friends.

And you know what? This salad is actually quite delicious. Not bad at all.

thank you everyone

mm6 cardigan, acne hex jeans in dark cash (xmas gift), h&m top, zara scarf

I don't think I'd realized how much my readers meant to me until today. On a day when everything that could go wrong happened I found comfort in the strangest of places: the blogosphere. I'm not going to lie, I'd always pictured myself as different from your average fashion blogger: I'd never planned on gaining such a significant number of readers nor did I go out of my way to attain it. It just kind of happened somehow and to be completely honest it really freaked me out for a while since it happened so fast (I forget I didn't actually start posting here until nine months ago.

I'm still in the process of growing up: I'm not as obsessive compulsive as I used to be and I've grown a lot as a person but old habits are really difficult to shake off when they're so ingrained in your every day being. I'm the type of person who will recopy notes when I make minor mistakes such as writing on the wrong line or incorrectly spacing things, I even write most of my notes on graph paper for optimal control. And don't even get me started on this blog... you have no idea how many unpublished posts I have sitting on my Blogger dashboard at the moment. Somehow, however, it's starting to wear off. Maybe I am ready to post "just anything" now no matter how mundane it may be. Wasn't I the one who called it a "lifestyle" blog? I can easily say I was totally full of shit (hah) since I obviously backed out but hey, I can get a second chance, right?

You see, I've come to realize that I really have been taking my readers for granted this entire time. As someone who is prone to the almost daily battles with self-doubt, I let my fears get the best of me and found it hard to believe that anyone could like me enough to take an interest in this little hobby of mine, whether it's my style or writing content. Taking a break from blogging really put things into perspective: it's not all about the number of readers you get but rather who's actually willing to stick with you no matter what choices you make concerning your blog. Why should I get freaked out about so many people looking at this when there's a select few who really geniunely care? Today, after a particularly difficult day where nothing seemed to work out, I received so many encouraging comments and emails that reading them actually caused me to tear up a little. I can't thank you guys enough for putting up with me, let's try this again, okay?

(ps. I didn't mean to look like such a downer in the photo, it was 7:30am and I couldn't help it, haha.)

wandering around san francisco

I have this strange habit of wandering around aimlessly in various settings whenever I'm feeling terribly anxious or somewhat depressed. There's something slightly intoxicating about not knowing where I'm going in the immediate future, especially when I'm feeling uneasy about where I'm going to end up in the long run. For someone as uptight and order-obsessed as I am, being impulsive like this is a nice change. It felt surreal at first to come across this scene: it was eerily quiet except for the clamor on the street at the beginning of the pier and everyone seemed absorbed in their own worlds. I even felt weird about whipping out my camera to capture the moment so I waited until no one was paying attention.

I mean, you'd think a spectacular place like this right off Embarcadero would be more infested with tourists but I suppose no one really seems to wander past the Ferry Building unless it's to go the opposite way towards Pier 39. I'm not saying that this should be a tourist attraction but if you're in town and looking for a quiet photo-op, go to Pier 14. It's something you have to experience for yourself.

we never even bought it a planter

We bought this orchid a couple weeks ago thinking it would be a breeze to take care of it but it's proving to be a harder task than anticipated. One of the flowers has already shriveled and I don't doubt that the rest of them will follow. I don't think either of us has really tried to look up proper care since we're so caught up in our daily routines. It's just sitting in his apartment on the mantle, partially obstructed by the door when we open it to go into the common room. We never even bought it a planter.

I want to try and find a way to revive it but why bother trying any harder when it's reached this point? Should we give it more light or water it more? Maybe less light and less water? Or perhaps a mixture of both? What do you do when you feel you've tried everything and nothing seems to work? I'd like to convince myself that it's best to not get too attached and just treat it as another scrapped project among a list of countless other failures. The more time I invest, the more terrible I'll feel when things don't work out as planned. I hate leaving things in the air like that.

I honestly did care about the orchid. The day we bought it was a particularly windy one and I was surprised to see that the delicate plant managed to not break in half during the ten minute walk home. Every petal was intact and nothing was out of place: it seemed almost unreal. But now, now everything is falling apart and we have no one to blame but ourselves. Perhaps if we just took the time to identify and get to know the problem our little "love orchid" may still survive. At the moment, however, we don't seem to be getting anywhere and it's really not helping the situation.

(I'm not just getting melodramatic over a flower, in case you haven't realized it.)

this is our town

To be completely honest, I never took the LA Dodgers seriously until after I moved six hours away from the area and craved a connection to my hometown of seventeen years. Growing up, Dodger games were family affairs and I played the typical role of disaffected child among fanatical adults. I was never into sports (both watching and playing) and chose to work on developing other interests that required less effort. By the time I reached my teens, Dodger games were a complete bore to me and I'd swiftly refuse any offer to go upon being asked since I felt I had better things to do. It just wasn't my thing, you know? I was into music and fashion and felt I had no time or desire to get into sports, much less baseball.

I can't deny that I felt somewhat homesick when I left Southern California. I mean, I can't imagine moving back down there since I love the Bay Area so much, but there's just something that I can't help but miss about being an Angeleno, including the inevitable attachment and pride you feel when you collectively root for your home team. At some point I actually started looking for Dodger games to watch, but without Southern Californian TV programming the only games I could watch were against the Oakland A's or SF Giants. At first I only watched casually; losses were no big deal and I was too busy with other things to keep up with the season. I was slowly warming up to the idea, though, when I realized that, hey, baseball is actually really entertaining. When you truly get into it, you're sucked in: nothing else but the game matters during those nine innings.

So I became a Dodger fan for real this time, sans family and regional pressure. I watched as many games as I could on TV and reviewed the highlights online whenever I couldn't. I put my faith in the team I was raised to love and learned how to truly care for them on my own without any outside pressure. I began to understand the fanaticism behind baseball. It's not just a blind attachment to a sport; it's a genuine relationship with a team in whom you invest an unconditional love and feeling of trust that's second to none.

Why am I blogging about this right now? I never actually realized any of the above until this week when I asked myself why I was putting myself through so much stress worrying about the Dodgers advancing to the World Series after last year's crushing defeat. Why force myself into terrible moods when things don't go the right way? Because I love having something to believe in; a team I can invest my hopes and dreams into and wish for the best. When times are tough, trust me, they're tough. I'm seriously crying right now after this loss because there were so many mistakes that could have easily been avoided, like Game 4's Dodger lead turned walk off hit for the Phillies.

Likewise, the highs are amazing to experience, i.e. Game 2 of the NLDS when the Dodgers won in the bottom of the 9th with two outs and I found myself jumping around like an idiot screaming in delight. I just can't explain this sense of euphoria in words... but it's so extraordinary that I just keep coming back. The lows are nothing compared to this: if we have to wait another year for a World Series, well then bring it on. Loney, Kemp, and Ethier: this team is YOURS now. Your timelines with the Dodgers have paralleled my own: you debuted and blossomed when I started to learn what it meant to rally behind a team. I am proud to call myself a Dodger fan despite the wins and losses and will always be supporting you through thick and thin, so let's start looking at next year, yeah? These past two years have taught us so much and even though we still have some growing up to do, we'll do it together. I'll never stop believin'! Love, Annabel.

Sorry, comments disabled for this one, since this is mainly for me.

how to use a point-and-shoot camera

I'm getting more and more frustrated with the condition of my point-and-shoot camera every day. The lens only pops out correctly 30% of the time now and doesn't focus as well as it used to. I've always thought about getting a DSLR but I was so attached to and content with the little bugger that I always dismissed it. I mean, why bother when most people are surprised to find out that I don't already own a DSLR? But now... well, now that it isn't working it seems necessary. Since it's so close to my birthday (November 29th) I'm just going to ask my dad for one but I'm starting to get a little impatient and I'm tempted to ask for it a month early.

The secret behind making a point-and-shoot camera work well is simple: take advantage of every setting possible and know how to manipulate the light around you. Ideally you want to aim for taking photos in really good lighting; the more lighting you have, the less you have to adjust the shutter speed and end up with blurry pictures. Tripods are also useful since they help produce clearer photos and are more reliable than a hand attempting to be steady. The above photos were taken in a well lit place using the macro setting (usually indicated by a flower) and a tripod. The more familiar you are with your camera, the more reliable your photos will be so play around with the settings and find out what works best for you. DSLRS don't automatically produce spectacular photos and it's up to the user's ability to use it to its fullest extent and the same applies to point-and-shoot cameras.

SHOP BLUSHING AMBITION UPDATED

Taking these photos took two or three times longer than usual because of my broken camera but I managed to pull it off somehow. I just put up a ton of items for sale on my blog so go check them out! Somehow this batch seemed to take the most effort out of me because they're things I'd love to keep but just can't because of the space in my closet. It's already taken a lot to stop myself from taking down at least two of the posts! I listed mostly fall items which are perfect for the weather right now including a couple sweaters, jackets, and tops.

the pros and cons of being a blogger

QUICK DISCLAIMER: This is going to be long so if you have the time to get through it all, thanks for reading, if not, well, I don't expect you to get through a mountain of text sans photos. I'm trying really hard to not go into aesthetic theory so if there's something you don't understand, ask and I shall try my best to explain myself.

As a few of you may know, I've been floating around the online fashion community for a while starting with places like Livejournal and The Fashion Spot then switching almost exclusively to Chictopia once it was created. I'd always been wary about balancing life with an "actual" blog so instead of heading that way like my fellow peers, I opted out and continued to observe from the sidelines. Sometimes I wonder where I'd be now if I had started a blog like this back then. Would I have the same type of exposure and opportunities that many of my blogger friends have now? Would I really desire those things to begin with?

I'd love to pride myself on being a simple person living a simple life but things are much too complicated to call it just that. I am, after all, human just like everyone else, therefore I fall prey to the same human vices and temptations. Everyone wants to be successful. Everyone wants to stand out. You observe blogger X's success and you try to convince yourself that it's just as easy to replicate it. If X can do it why can't I? So you try and hope for success, but really, how do you measure this? By page views or the number of comments? By recommendations or write ups? By the amount of free products you receive?

I dislike reducing something as entertaining as blogging to a set of stuffy values that should only be found in a math or science course but the truth is, as long as we're serious about it and setting goals, that's the direction we're heading towards. Here we find ourselves facing yet another dilemma: how do you reach this desired value when dealing with something as subjective as fashion? Or rather, to make it even more centralized, how do you gauge the subjectivity of personal fashion? If we're talking page views, well, obviously this involves a desire to appeal to as much of the masses as possible.

And there, there's the rub. The ever complicated relationship between subjectivity and the masses. Yes, yes, you will always hear the endless echo of “FASHION IS SUBJECTIVE” wherever you go or whenever someone does not agree with you. Of course sensory perception varies based on the experience of the individual but with the expansion of the internet and close interactions with similar peers throughout the world, how personal is your opinion? Without a doubt, you will find your judgment influenced by others as long as you interact with people on the internet and you will choose to either agree or disagree. Yes, there is that choice, but what about the subtle influences which affect the molding of your thoughts without your realizing it?

Fashion will never be objective because there will never be a set mathematical or scientific formula which governs it. Two plus two will always equal four but not everyone will agree about a certain trend no matter how many people are into it. What if I argue, however, that the internet allows us to get as close as we can to a type of subjectivity which inevitably mimics a sort of objectivity? Now back to the question of measuring a blogger’s success: can we now say that there is a loose formula or standard that one may follow to attain the same success as X or Y? Will following this guarantee the same result?

And here, here we reach yet another obstacle. The same type of aspiration which governs the need for success also controls another facet of human behavior: the desire to be different, or as a reader of blogs, the desire to see something diverse. Obviously this disproves my previous statement that a certain formula is present but what if I claim that these two things coexist in a way that compel people to simultaneously try to find a way to stand out? Isn’t that a formula of sorts?

Therefore, how personal is personal style in this environment? Of course I believe in the positive aspects of interconnectivity via the internet: the simple access to inspiration and ideas for your own taste of choice is extremely helpful when you can’t come up with something on your own and need a little push. Nevertheless, at the same time, this aspect is a double-edged sword: it’s so easy to find and mimic these ideas that there is an inevitable trend towards turning against these same things once they are considered overdone or too mainstream. Unless you are some saintly entity free of material attachments (which I doubt you will ever be if you are a part of this blogging community) you are very likely to fall into this tendency of fickle behavior in some way or another and in varying degrees. We are, after all, human.

So then, how do my blog and personal manners come into play given these topics of discussion? I am not going to pretend to be some higher being who, in understanding and observing aesthetic theory and its ramifications, can transcend these tendencies and loftily distance myself from those who do fall into this. No, I wouldn’t be able to lie to you. I buy into trends as much as the person next to me does while avoiding others. I cannot act condescending towards anyone who seems to be mimicking everything X does nor will I put down someone who is going too far (by my own personal standards) to be different from everyone else. Regardless of the influences or mimesis involved, personal style remains personal thanks to a little something known as individual choice. You choose to follow or go against trends. You choose the clothing you buy and wear. Your neighbor may be doing the same but he or she is choosing so with his or her own right. A choice may or may not seem original to the masses but the conscious (or even subconscious) act of choosing is singular in its own right.

This is exactly why I cannot stomach anyone who would dare to put someone down for individual choices. I cannot stop people from passing and displaying judgment since that is a choice in itself but I can express my own personal distaste for unnecessary negativity. A facet of maturity involves a (somewhat fatalistic, I know) recognition that life is governed by these principles and that you are no better than the person next to you just because you believe yourself to be beyond these things. Chances are, the person next to you thinks the same thing and there’s nothing you can do but accept it. Again, I hate being fatalistic but delusion is a much worse path, in my honest opinion.

Now, back to the issue of measuring personal success and how I deal with it. I’ve come to the conclusion that, for my own sanity and well being, this blog will be, as it has been in recent weeks, more of a lifestyle blog which gives you a glimpse into my world and thoughts rather than just a blog focused on fashion (although outfit shots will still be an equal part, don't worry). Will this make me impervious to the tendencies I illustrated above? No, of course not. I shall still continue to read and comment on other people’s blogs and thereby be somewhat influenced in my personal choices. However, in my own case, I’ve realized that writing about more than my style helps me become more in tune with myself and my own private aspirations. By treating my individual sense of fashion as a certain, but still crucial, part of my life, I’ve been able to be more introspective about my needs emotionally and physically. I know this sounds quite cheesy but lately I feel I’ve been able to be more myself not only in my actions but also appearance.

I don’t want to ever feel like I need to impress anyone on the internet or in real life; it’s too much pressure. I want, like everyone else, to leave a record of myself while still standing out in my own right. I don’t want to feel forced to update out of a fear of losing readers because, once I’m coerced into doing something, it’s not longer fun and I feel I can no longer be true to myself. I just want to show everyone who I am, who I choose to be, and who I may be in the future. I am extremely grateful for anyone who continues to come back even with my terrible blogging habits and it’s reassuring to know that someone out there finds my quaint little life interesting :)